Final preparations.

MONDAY
It's a bit like playing the waiting game. When is the right time to move the larger household items? After all, we still need somewhere to sit, wash clothes and keep the "tinnys" cold. Can't decide when to put the car up for sale, Mark still needs it for work, but how long will it take to sell? Is it worth ringing around for a house clearance for a little bit of much needed cash - or do we just wait until we are ready to go and call up a local charity to take the lot? Decisions, decisions!

With these questions rushing around my head, I take the easy option and sort out drawers and cupboards in the kitchen, filling bin bag after bin bag as I clear the many useless items I have hoarded, (just in case I needed them one day). No room for sentiment or whimsical thoughts any more. Neil will make good use of many of the utensils and the crockery, but other than that, I see most of my "treasured" belongings heading for the bin. Suddenly everything seems so much more real.

THURSDAY

Good news, at last things have started to move. The 3 piece suite has sold, so that's a little bit of cash coming in for the "fare fund". Lets hope everything else I advertised last night goes with the same speed. If it all sells we will be able to book the tickets and set a date to leave. I think that's when the excitement will kick in. At the moment it still seems like a dream, there is nothing to look at and confirm to me that we are definitely on the move.

It took longer to put the ad in the paper than it did to sell most of the things - only the fireplace left and £300 in the fare fund - Yippee!!!

Another week and we should be able to book the flights.

FRIDAY

£350 - one ticket almost paid for just by selling the things we didn't want to take with us. That has made life a little easier on us both financially. It's been a busy day of lifting and carting, but well worth the effort. Everything we advertised in the ad-mag has gone, along with a bit more. Nothing left to sell but the car. There's no going back now!

Lying in bed the thoughts start to rush around my head. The feelings that have played on my mind the most unsurprising are how much I will miss everyone here at home. I know I will miss all my friends and family, but ultimately I know I can speak to them on the phone or stay in contact by email. It hit me really hard that the one person I think I will miss more than ever is my Mum. She has been gone for a long time now, but somehow being here gives me comfort and makes me feel closer to her. I know I can just go "home" to Danderhall and take some flowers to the church, talk to her and feel like she is right there with me. Mum is the only person I can't keep in touch with, no matter how much I want to and maybe that's why I am feeling her loss so badly today. Deep down I know that no matter where I go she will be beside me every step of the way in my heart and in my memories and that she will always be one of the biggest contributors of who I am today, but my heart feels like I am saying goodbye to her all over again! I will make the journey home before we leave to say my goodbyes and I am sure she will stay with me and watch over me no matter what. I know that final farewell will hit me really hard and it's a farewell I really don't want to go through again, but I need to make that journey.